Hellllllooooooo

As Facebook and other social media outlets take over there seems to be a general downward trend in blog land... or at least a number of the blogs that I visit... as well my own personal blog. While it is far too easy to overlook the blog, truth is that I miss it. Or rather, I miss looking back at the memories. In order to be able to look back at the memories I must first jot them down.

Like starting the mower the first time of the season, it may take a couple of attempts. I make no promises, but I hope that I can blog more than once a year. :) So here we go!

The kids. Surprise, surprise, they are doing awesome! Truth is, they make this parenting gig pretty easy and I feel so blessed to be their mom. As kids do, they are growing like weeds. The girls are quickly turning into young adults. Spencer hit a winter long growth spurt and (shhhh) we believe he is officially taller than Abby. It's not been a huge deal around our house because truth is; he is going to be taller than all of us before we know it!

They all are thoroughly enjoying school. The girls have hit the magical year where they can become involved in numerous clubs... Student Council, BLAST Club, Tiger Explorers, Golden Sower Club, Sandoz Singers, and Orchestra. I often wonder how often they are IN class.

Their extracurricular activities keep us going on weeknights and weekends. We're enjoying a nice break in activities at the moment as the girls just wrapped up their 2nd winter swim season. Over the past year they had some really cool opportunities to meet and swim with Olympic swimmers Josh Davis & Kathleen Hersey. Most recently they had an opportunity to meet Kim Vandenberg as well. We're all really looking forward to attending the Olympic Swim Trials that will be held locally.

Abby has continued to show interest in basketball and recently tried out for a feeder team through our high school. We'll know soon if she made the cut or not... I'm not sure what we are hoping for. :) Ellie is super geared up for Triathlons and is anxiously awaiting the opportunity to participate over the summer. Both Abby & Ellie also had an opportunity to apply to join the XYZ Club (youth volunteer club) at our amazing Zoo and were selected. We get to find out more about this commitment very soon!

I think I also managed to skip blogging during the period where Abby managed to break her left arm/wrist then like 6 months later break her right arm/wrist. Upside... we now have an Orthopedic that we really like! Both incidents happened at times where we would have otherwise taken family photos. Needless to say, we still need to get "official" portraits taken.  Bubble wrap, anyone?

Spencer is really enjoying his school year as well. He has really blossomed into an amazing reader and he totally loves all things math.  His class was selected to participate in the Classroom Champions program given them the opportunity to hang out with Olympic swimmer Kim Vandeberg.  We're also enjoying a small break in his activities as his basketball season recently came to an end and baseball hasn't "officially" started... except that pre-season clinic we offered him. The dad of one of his basketball buddies was trying hard to recruit him to play in their soccer league this spring. Thankfully we came to our senses and opted out of that opportunity given the number of baseball games he will be playing. Perhaps fall soccer is a more likely option.

One of the coolest things, I think, is that they all are significantly more involved in Church. Not only are we physically attending more, but they truly have a vested interest in their involvement. It's been amazing to witness this unfold and to know that it is their thing, their desire. There are some really cool opportunities coming up this summer. I think it is safe to say that we are all excited about them.

Now onto the parents...

Carie continues to be a rock star at the "SAHM" gig in addition to providing childcare to the twins she has cared for the past (nearly) 9 years AND is in her 2nd academic year working as a Paraprofessional within our school district. She is a mom of many hats and wears them all quite well. She is also rockin’ this Pinterest thing and has discovered some delicious recipes that have received thumbs up from our kids.

For my day job, I continue to work outside the home as an IS Project Manager. Exciting, eh?

I'm thrilled that I was also given the opportunity to help coach our swim team this past season. It was a really cool opportunity and I'm looking forward to future seasons! I continue to be quite involved at school and am wrapping up my 3rd and final year as PTA President. While I've had a great experience in this role, Carie and I agree that term limits are a good thing. :) I was quickly reminded that I would be available to serve in another capacity and have been asked to be the PTA Treasurer. Time to shift hats! I'm also thrilled to have the honor in participating on an "under the radar" committee forming through leaders within our school district... I don't even know if we have an official name. LOL I am constantly blown away by the support and dedication our allies provide to ensure GLBT equality. This group is certainly all that and more. It would be really cool to be able to witness the movement and success of this group as our kids grow within this district.

Nutshell

Where oh where to start?

We've experienced some really difficult moments over the past couple of years. I'm not looking for a pity party. I'm not drowning in sorrow. It just is a relevant fact, a mile marker, an exit ramp in our life journey. Amongst those challenging moments we also have experienced an abundance of love, joy, and new family memories. These moments must prevail above all else.

Bottom line, I'm not willing to allow that incident to define the rest of our lives. Yes, it consumed our life for many many months. Yes, it has significantly affected relationships... understatement of the year! Yes, our course has changed. We can't go back to "the way it was". But we can continue moving forward. We can still dream and go after those dreams. We have done our best to embrace this newly charted course and make the best of it. Sitting around and hosting a pity party isn't healing. Living life is healing.

Over the past many months I've been focusing on my own mental health. I’m thankful to Carie for that! I'm proud of the work that I've done. I'm thankful for the opportunity to focus on my own emotional healing. I'm proud of the work that Carie and I have done to strengthen our relationship. I'm thankful for this opportunity to have a positive and lasting impact on my family.

I knew I was hurting. I knew I wasn't "okay". But, day to day, I thought I was "doing okay". Clearly there was more faking it than making it moments going on. It's amazing to realize how much anger and hurt there really is once you start peeling back the layers. Unfortunately when you start uncovering those layers it isn't just about the single incident anymore. Suddenly everything over the past 30+ years becomes in scope and relevant. Oh boy! Good times!

Our counselor has used the analogy that we all have a bucket. We stuff the uncomfortable stuff deep down into this bucket and well, the stuff in my bucket had been compacted nice and tight and it was still overflowing. Clearly I should have started some sort of reservation system for my bucket. Nope, can’t take that problem today my bucket is full. lol

All that to say that I'm dealing with situations that I've bottled up and, well, people don't like it. Imagine that! I don't like it either. The amazing thing is that it is SO freeing to deal with this crap, to put it all out there, to remove something from my bucket. To take care of myself which in turn then takes care of my family.

No, I really don't want to piss anyone off. No, I don't want to hurt anyone. But in the same token, I shouldn't be hurting at their expense and that is exactly what was happening. These relationships are important but no more important than my own well-being.

One particular incident we're involved in is a make it or break it exchange. In a perfect world, we would be able to have a dialogue about the situation and come to some sort of resolution where we ALL walk away feeling relieved. There is an ENORMOUS opportunity here to strengthen these strained relationships. But honestly, it takes all parties involved to make that happen. Unfortunately that isn't happening and it's sad to say that Carie and I aren't all that surprised. Their responses are all knee jerk replies with no (apparent) care in the world that their actions were hurtful. Collectively they had hashed it out, washed their hands of it and had moved on. I guess it is easier to move on when you do so with like minds and you avoid the conflict. Is that really resolution?

At a time where we were still very much affected by the emotional ramifications of our situation, WE were supposed to reach out to them if we needed something. I'm sure anyone that is dealing with (but not addressing) depression and PTSD can attest to the stupidity of this... (not my writing/typing!)

"... we don't ask questions. WE try to stay out of other peoples business BUT As Family, we are always willing to help in the time of need. If Needed - we will do whatever we can- Just ask."

Really?  Because yeah, when you are in that emotional space you are going to be strong enough to ask for help!?!? Get a clue! The thing is, all we really “needed” from them (from anyone) was respect and some level of emotional support. No different than we should be able to benefit from on any other day. Thankfully we had an abundance of positive support from our friends!

Instead we didn't comply with their requests, they didn't like it, they didn't understand it, they weren't kind or respectful about it, and they assumed that we were being irresponsible and selfish. They truly expected us to put it ALL out on the table so they could chew it up, spit it out, understand our position and then judge our answer. Case in point...

"It would seem to me that if you want me to understand your circumstances and your decision that you could have been honest with me – if not, I would expect that you understand that I made my decision to NOT understand Your decision based on the information that You gave to Me – it now seems that was not the truth …"

Ahhh... now (they believe) I've lied to them. OMG seriously? This drama is just too much for me!


No, I never asked you to “understand my circumstances” but I did expect you to respect my position. The difference is huge.

Is this where I remind folks that I was nearly 40 years old, a partner in a strong/loving/supportive/stable relationship of 14 years, a parent to 3 amazing kids, and a responsible adult holding down a successful career. I pretty damn sure that I can evaluate my family's personal needs (stemming from this accident no less!... cue emotions!) against my own strong desire to do something really important for my Grandparents.

Unfortunately the very specific needs of my family conflicted with the larger family desires and we let a lot of people down. Ohhh the guilt!

Unfortunately their actions have now jeopardized our future relationship with the family.

But I refuse to be bullied anymore!

Seasonal Change

Spring is upon us and it feels GOOD. I'm hoping for a good rain this weekend to help wash away all the dirt and brown lingering from winter.

Daylight Savings Time can bite me; I think I speak for my whole family when I say that. While we have enjoyed the sun hanging out later into the evening, we're all dragging this week. Our first colds of the season aren’t helping any. However after seeing the latest pollen count I'm wondering if we are suffering from allergies rather than a run of the mill cold.

We also kicked off our regional practice schedule this week. Certainly these (kid less) coaches have no idea what crappy timing this is. Sure, it is necessary and I'm sure they are also feeling the effects of the time change. But it's a whole new ball game when kids are involved. So for a few weeks we've got swim team practice on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday & Saturday... intense! I'm thankful this isn't our regular schedule... yet.

I'm also very thankful that Basketball season, for all three kids, is over. It was great fun while it lasted but juggling those additional practices and games with our swim schedule was a bit much.

This intense swim schedule leads up to the big Regional Swim Meet in Minneapolis. Abby qualified to go to regionals. It is a huge honor and accomplishment to do so, particularly your first year, so of course we are going. Unfortunately Ellie didn't quite qualify. She was super close and super disappointed because it was so important to her. The interesting thing about all this is that swimming is a really big deal to Ellie. This is "her thing" and Abby really just jumped in for the ride. Ellie really pushes herself while Abby takes a more laid back approach... their personalities totally shining through.

While Abby was beyond thrilled to qualify for regionals, it really wasn't a big deal for her. She's recently commented that she'll be okay if she doesn't get a ribbon (or whatever their awards are) at regionals. At first I'm thinking whoa, wait a minute. But then I got to thinking about it more. We've been preaching all season long about doing your best, having fun, and being proud of that. She's practicing hard. She's very excited to go swim at regionals. She wants to do her best. But if her best doesn't earn her an award, she's okay with that. I think that is way cool and a very healthy approach. While I'll be the parent screaming in the bleachers as she is swimming (even though she can't hear a thing), I won't be the parent telling her how she could have or should have done better.

Just a couple of weeks ago we went to their State swim meet. I had volunteered to be a timer, which is a really tiring and very wet job! But it is so cool to be right behind the blocks watching the kids swim. Right after Abby hopped out of the pool in one of her events she was so discouraged, and it wasn't about her time or what place she ended up in. She was upset that she had goggle problems during her swim and she felt like she didn't swim as good as she could have. Unfortunately it was supposed to be her best event and she missed placing by one spot. But that's not what she cared about in the moment. It was a good learning experience about doing your best and pressing on even if things aren't going quite right.

Once regionals is over we have an opportunity to take a short break before summer swim team starts up. We also have an opportunity to do a short session where their coach will work on stroke techniques and endurance. We'll have to really think about what is best for us. Right now in the midst of this intense schedule, a break is really appealing. We'll have to see what the girls think.

As we change seasons so many other activities are also changing. Basketball is over! Girl Scouts will be winding down as we near the end of the school year. My PTA schedule for the current year is winding down but the planning for next year will kick into full swing before I know it.

Things are really just gearing up for Spencer with swim lessons starting last week and baseball season kicking off tomorrow. He is so dang excited for baseball season to start! I can't wait to see what team he is on. I really hope he was placed with his buddies!

He particularly loves batting and he begs for Carie (she is much more accurate than me!) to pitch balls to him. We've discovered that this isn't an option anymore. Long ago she decided it was only safe to pitch the softer balls to him. But already once this season he's nailed her really good with a line drive, leaving a bright red mark on her neck. That pretty much ended the batting practice at home! We've since discovered a batting cage and he absolutely loves it and asks to go to there every day. I found a really great deal through Groupon and now of course we are sucked in! I can't believe it, but I think we'll get him a membership to the batting cage once we are done with this punch card. It will be much more economical than paying per visit!

So that's our life right now... swimming and baseball.  Right now this is a really great fit for them.  It will be interesting to see how this evolves as the kids get older.

Who Needs Lights?

I went into this Holiday season determined to make it GREAT!  Attitude is everything, right?

To help achieve that goal we dug out our (pre-lit) Christmas tree a little on the early side.  I figured this would give us a little extra time to set it up, fix any lights that would certainly need fixing, fluff it up, etc...  THEN we could decorate it over Thanksgiving weekend as planned.  That seems to have become a tradition for us.  However, one tradition that I needed to get rid of was the crankiness that came with it. 

Our plan was going to work perfectly and we'd have the picture perfect experience!  LOL  Okay, so I didn't really think we'd achieve "picture perfect" but if we could achieve "happy" and maybe even "memorable" that would be great.

Yeah, that was great and all until our tree decided to not work with us.  I'm sure the tree can decide to be stubborn, right?  There were soooo many sections of lights that weren't working.  Normally there's some but not that many and normally our little amazing light fixer tool solves all our troubles.  So we start working on the lights, with our little problem solvers, and while we were being fairly patient (yet disappointed) the tree just was not cooperating... at all.  Ultimately we get enough of the lights working, place the non-working sections strategically near the back.  Oh, and Carie found a small strand of lights that she strategically added to the tree to help fill in a section.  Whatever works, right?  We decided we had to forge ahead.  What will be, will be.

So it's all (or enough) lit up and all decorated.  We proceed with decorating our mantle with lighted garland, our stockings, etc...  Our outside lights have been up for a couple of weeks (due to weather) and now turned on.

Then suddenly lights started going out... in nearly every decoration. 

First a section of lights went out on the roof.  We waited for a day of decent enough weather to check them out to see if there was anyway we could easily fix them.  Carie hauled the ladder out and got it all setup.  She turned on the lights and to her surprise they all worked!  She called me to see if I had fixed the lights.  Nope!  They just started working on their own.  Which of course means that they'll also stop working on their own.  Sure enough not long after that section went out again.  Again we waited for a decent weather day, hauled out the ladder, turned them on and they worked!  Lesson here, turn them on before hauling out the ladder!?!?  But this time we decided to see if we could make them go out, and we did.  We found the culprit, marked the section and hopefully fixed it.  So far, so good.  Time will tell.

Then the entire very top section of our tree went out.  While it's a really small section, it looks silly to have the top completely out.  Hmmm... maybe I'll stop and pick up some more small strands of lights and we'll just add our own!  Boy oh boy this is starting to feel like a red neck decorating job.

Then a few days later (exactly) half of the lights in the garland on our mantle went out.  The entire right section closest to the tree is dark.  I wonder if they are communicating?  Maybe I'll just pray that those come back on?

There are exactly 2 areas that haven't gone out... yet.  I'm not going to tempt fate any further and I'll leave it at that.

It felt like every step we tried to take forward would land us a few steps back.  How in the world are parts of so many things not working?  Someone is testing me!

Thank goodness we went a little light on our decorating efforts this year.  We probably put up about as much as we have in years past but not compared to last year.  Last year we got just a little more than crazy.  I guess that's what happens when you put things up and they work... you tempt fate.  Maybe this year it's all about karma?

As we take down our decorations this year I think we'll have to decide what to keep and what to replace.  It would be a shame to have to replace our tree since we really like it... when it's working. 

Another factor... the puppy.  He's a sly one.  Maybe I should go ahead and let Mason have at it!  Then we would most certainly need to replace it.  Hmmmm...

We did manage to get our gingerbread house project done, another Thanksgiving tradition of ours.  A little change in the tradition this year... I decided to make our own houses rather than buying the kits.  It only took me ruining one solid batch to figure out the basics of what I was doing.  They turned out well enough.  Well enough that this will be a new step to our tradition.  I would like to fiddle with it a little next year and see what I can come up with.  (I'll have to add pictures later.  I don't seem to have them on this computer.)

Ultimately I think it would be fun to have a ginger bread house decorating party!  In lieu of that, this year we are hosting a slumber party for the girls.  We'll decorate cookies, gingerbread people, do a couple craft projects, watch movies, etc...  Perhaps I've just lost my mind?  We'll know soon enough!

Roller Coaster

I feel like I'm on the world's biggest roller coaster and for that I should apologize to those that have to live with me or be around me.  I can hardly stand myself.  I need to "figure this out", and quick!  If only "figure this out" were that easy.  I've got years of shit to "figure out".  Where's that easy button? 

I get to go talk with someone that will hopefully help me sort it all out.  I wonder where she'll start?  The possibilities are endless!  Last week I was all nervous about the upcoming appointment.  I was a mess, at the lowest point of that roller coaster. What the hell was I thinking about opening those wounds further?  I can only imagine that it will get worse before it gets better, much like a good spring cleaning.  I don't think I can handle worse!

Today though, today looks promising.  So bring it on!

This morning I'm at the highest peak of the roller coaster.  If only the operator would stop the ride and leave us hanging there.  I could deal with that.

There's so much hurt and hate and anger and fear in the world.  Imagine what it would be like if we could ALL get stuck at our highest peak.  Suddenly a flash of Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs comes into my head.  Okay, so maybe we don't all want to be stuck in happy land forever.  Though it sure sounds appealing!

The Day After Halloween

All I can think is "THANK GOD IT'S OVER".

I feel like a crappy parent for even thinking that, let alone saying that.

I guess I'm just not Halloween material.  Perhaps I should make a list of all the things we should do differently next year.  Or better yet, maybe "I" should skip Halloween and return when it's over.  Ahhh... maybe I should stay home and hand out candy???  Maybe the real answer is that I just need to loosen up and be okay with all the craziness?

The thing is my kids love Halloween.  I need to figure out how to at least like it and do my best to not crap on their parade.

I'm not really "anti" Halloween...

We decorated the house.

The kids all selected costumes... could have done without the drama.

They all chose their perfect pumpkins... As easy as it was to get them from (and to support our) Church, I'm regretting not going out to the field to get them as we usually would.

Per my request, we went to THE pumpkin patch of all pumpkin patches to celebrate my birthday!  I love that place!

We carved pumpkins.  We didn't even wait until the last minute to do so!  I think I'll enjoy this more when they are more able to do their own.  I need to remember to look for patterns in advance next year!

We lit their pumpkins and they were beautiful.  They didn't get lit ON Halloween because it was too crazy and we didn't have our shit together.  I have no pictures with the kids and their carved pumpkins.

They dressed up to go trick-or-treating... except one child couldn't find all of her costume because she didn't leave it alone.  She didn't have THE one piece that caused so much drama when selecting the costume.  But that night, in the moment, she could seem to care less that she didn't have it.  Really!?!?!?

We all went trick-or-treating... except we were running late and we were starting to get trick-or-treaters making it hard to get out ourselves.  This would be our fault.

I took pictures... It was crazy.  I don't have a clue how they turned out, I'm not expecting much.

They had fun trick-or-treating... except all the times we hounded them to say thank you (WTF happened to our polite children?)... except the time that one of our children tripped and scraped up a leg pretty good only to have one of my other children push right past to get to the door... except for the time that she was rude and offended a parent that was handing out candy... except for the time that we were absolutely livid as a result of that and that.

I DID love the moments that my children were kind and thoughtful to their (younger) friend that was trick-or-treating with us for part of the evening (before it got really bad).  That was heartwarming.

Halloween seems to bring out the worst of their personalities... all in one night!  As I reflect on it, it's not fair to lump all my children together.  The bulk of our frustration really revolves around one child. 

As soon as we are home from trick-or-treating.  As soon as we close the front door.  All is good.  Crazy children leave and my children return.  At that point I'm relieved that Halloween is over for one more year!

Thank You Guilt

I'm good, I think (I hope), at thanking people for their kind gestures and thoughtfulness in person.  I'm even often good at writing thank you notes for occasions such as birthdays and holidays.  Though come to think of it, I've been lacking in this area recently.  Maybe because we work closely with our young children on these tasks?  I'm not at all good about hand writing notes of any kind "just because".

This Friday marks the 17 month anniversary of a major life altering event for our family.  Since we are still "in the middle of it" 17 months sounds a whole lot longer than it feels.  At the time right after the accident we had an amazing outpouring of support.  It was amazing and indescribable.  All I can hope is that other families going through hard times have that same kind of support around them.

It was clearly an overwhelming time in our lives.  It was a time where all of our energy was focused on healing our daughter and taking care of the physical and emotional needs of all of our children.  Then we were forced to give attention to our own emotional healing as well.  As time marched on we would take care of only the absolute necessities as our focus was on healing.

All the while I'm playing our own personal episode of Intervention in my head because we didn't take care of things as we should have.  Cue cute baby picture followed by tragic story line and all the ways the parents F'd up that sent the child down a path of hell. :)

So all that's an excuse and to this day I still feel guilty (sometimes more than others, today being more) about not hand writing thank you notes to everyone.  We thanked everyone in person. There were very few hand written notes and even a few e-mails of thanks sent out.  We did journal (almost) all of our visitors, phone calls, the numerous gifts brought to the hospital, brought to our home, and sent in the mail.  I'm pretty sure we left the drivers numerous gifts off that list!  We were prepared to send out formal thank you notes, we just couldn't.   

This is all heightened for me at the moment because of my experience witnessing another family go through a tremendous situation that has to be much more difficult than our own experience.  The mom lost her husband in a tragic accident that also severely injured her almost 3yr old and 8 yr old while she was at home with their 5m old... on the first day of school.  Oh, and the other drivers BAC was 4x the limit at 8am.  He was on his way to work!  In just 2 short months after the accident she writes... 

"I was getting excited that I finished off a roll of 100 stamps...until I realized that I'm probably only about 1/3 into the notes that I need to write of those that I "know" I need to thank.  I wish I knew more of the service rendered so I could thank people, but it's really impossible I suppose."

We were the recipient of one of those very nice notes.  Then I felt guilty that she dedicated her time to writing me.

I can't imagine.  We totally felt the need to thank folks for their generosity.  Words couldn't possibly express our gratitude.  But at first it felt impossible to hold it all together and to write these notes.  At whatever point it became physically and emotionally possible to do so, so much time had passed and so many people (or everyone) had moved on. 

But now that I've got some distance I wonder if we did the "right thing".

"Busy"

I really dislike that term yet I find myself using it all the time.  What does "busy" really mean?  We all have the same amount of time granted to us each and every day.  Its not like it's a race to see who can be busier.  I suspect each persons perspectives on "busy" would differ based on where they are at in their life.  It's just an easy term to throw out there when life has you on the go.  On the go with all things that we've agreed to and enjoy I might add.

Speaking of, I just cracked open a book titled "Unequal Childhoods: Class, Race, and Family Life" that our Principal has loaned to me.  I'm only a few pages in but it looks like an interesting read.  Sadly, I'm not one to enjoy reading as a hobby so I hope I stick with it!

It's always been a priority for us to not over schedule our kids.  Sure, we want them to be involved in organized sports, activities & clubs.  But we also value the opportunity to be spontaneous and free.  We've always avoided overlapping activities.  But at the ripe old age of 8, it seems like we've hit the magic age that this gets more complicated.  Seriously, EIGHT!  It seems like the activities are more intense and have a greater time commitment.  Thankfully the girls only have an interest in swim team!  It feels good to have found a sport that they really are passionate about.

We're also trying to balance the needs and schedules so Mr. Spencer isn't drug all over the place due to the girls schedule.  That's a tough one that we are still trying to figure out!  At times I feel at peace with our efforts and other times I've got huge momma guilt.

The girls had their first fall swim meet this past weekend in Norfolk.  It was a great day of swimming!  It was the first time we've ever had to get the entire family up and out of the house at the crack of dawn.  Due to the above mentioned momma guilt we went back and forth on who would actually go to this event.  Not to mention our newly added responsibilities of Mr. Mason.  But in the end it ended up being a great decision for all of us to go.  Spencer enjoyed a really long day of playing various pickup games in the gym.  He had no qualms about asking the big kids if he could play whatever they were playing and he made some friend along the way.  I know he loves the time we shoot hoops or play kick ball in the gym.  He finally had met his match and these kids were in it for the long haul, far longer than I would last!

I know for other families it may be a regular occurrence to get the family up and going in the wee morning hours, but for us it is not.  We regularly have a hard time making it to Sunday School by 9:30. :)  For this day, our goal was to leave by 6:45am and we were pretty darn close!  It all went much smoother than we anticipated.  The kids thought it was weird to go in their jammies!  One of the highlights of the morning was watching the sun come up.  Of course by the end of the 12 hour day we were all exhausted, particularly the adults.  The kids of course didn't crash until their heads hit their pillows.

PTA related... I've just made it through 5 big events since the start of school with 1 more small event and 4 more really huge events coming up in the next few weeks.  November is my key event, one that I added to our calendar just last year.  It's a month where we focus on Healthy Lifestyles with each week of the month taking a different theme.  I'm hoping it will go as great as it did last year!  Once I get through November we'll be set.  Thanks to school breaks we've got a nice little break from PTA stuff in December and January.  We can't be fooled by these breaks though!  The February deadlines sneak up on us rather quick!

In our down time we are enjoying the College Football season!  It's a time of year we always look forward to but not always have we been able to kick back and enjoy the games.  As the kids continue to get older we find ourselves able to enjoy such luxuries while they thoroughly enjoy their down time with hobbies that are of interest to them.  Which means that they either are reading or have covered the dining table and a solid 5' perimeter in various art materials.  It's worth it though! 

Mr. Mason

We've got our puppy!

Mason came to us through a local rescue shelter that Carie found through adoptapet.com.  I wasn't sure that he was "the" one but Carie fell in love with his profile.  There was another Cocker Spaniel mix that we were really interested in meeting, but unfortunately he was adopted before we got a chance to meet him. 

Then, THEN I met Mason and knew right away that he was part of our family.  His foster momma brought him over to meet us on Friday afternoon.  We were all sitting on the floor hanging out with him and it didn't take long for him to crawl into my lap to look for some lovin'.  He sure knew who to suck up to first! 

Mason is the name he was given from the rescue shelter.  We've discussed giving him a new name and ultimately left it up to the kids.  They've all decided that they like the name Mason, so Mason it is.  Hopefully he'll answer to his name at some point!  LOL

I don't often get all excited about "signs", but perhaps this is a sign that it was meant to be... Abby & Ellie's birthday is 06/06, Spencer's birthday is 04/26, and Mason was born on 06/26.

He sure is one adorable pup with tons of personality.

Good Move

Given the age of our kids and their love for pets, it feels only right to involve them in the selection process.  Given our approach of searching rescue shelters, etc... we aren't involving them in all the little details.  No, that's hard enough on the adults.  On the flip side, it just doesn't feel right showing up at our front door with a new family pet without their involvement.  It would be so much easier to find a littler of pups and let the kids loose.

Carie and I've visited the Humane Society to look at a couple dogs that were of interest to us and mostly to figure out their adoption process.  We were quite surprised to discover that they didn't see it at all necessary for the kids to meet the dog prior to adoption.  I can possibly understand not making it a requirement, but I can't understand not encouraging it.  The counselor made it clear that it wasn't necessary "but if we weren't sure that the kids would be good with the dog" we could put down a sizable non-refundable deposit and they would hold that dog for 4 hours.  I'll add that the adoption center opens at noon, kids get home from school at 4.  If we opted to not adopt that dog our deposit would become a donation.  Quite the contrary, I'm absolutely confident that our 3 kids will be wonderful pet owners.  I'm shocked actually that they would adopt a pet to a family without at least encouraging all family members meeting the pet prior to adoption.

On the flip side, I'm not so sure I want to take 3 young kids to the Humane Society unless we, the adults, have been able to identify a match. If we weren't in the process of selecting a dog to take home, I wouldn't have any qualms taking them over there. I think it would be cool for them to be involved with/support the Humane Society. But we are in the process of selecting a family pet and I fear that they would walk in and they would choose several dogs that they wouldn't be able to leave behind. We're up for adding one pet, not four! I'm trying to be the rationale one here. That's me, the party pooper.

So a few nights ago we did share this news with them and their response was priceless.  They clearly weren't expecting it and they were clearly thrilled.  It's proven to be a very good move on our part to involve them now and not later.  One bonus, I now have Abby to support my attempts at being rationale.  While they are all very excited this has also brought to the surface the raw memories of losing Hobbes and Carmen.

While Hobbes was my dog, my very first pet that I got 19 years ago, he was also very much Abby's dog.  While we added Carmen (a rescue dog) to our family when Carie and I were together pre-kids, Carmen was totally Carie's dog and then became very much Ellie's dog.  At some point in their toddler hood phase the girls somehow decided that Hobbes was Abby's dog and Carmen was Ellie's dog.  I'm sure there's some good science experiment here given that Ellie is totally Carie's clone and Abby is very much like me.

So when their time with us came to an end (Hobbes 3 years ago, Carmen 1 year ago) it was naturally particularly hard on the kids, hardest on the girl who had claimed that pet as her own.  All 3 kids continue to talk about Hobbes and Carmen on occasion.  They all have great memories of them and miss them dearly.  Just a couple of months ago Abby was clearly missing, Hobbes.  One quiet evening she took Carie outside to show her a star that she's decided is Hobbes star.  It was a very good moment!

So while we're trying to contain our excitement over the idea of this new addition, we're balancing memories and aching hearts from those that we've lost.  I'm so glad we made this move and we all have this in between time to have these feelings.

Adding to the Family???

A few years ago we were in a phase where we knew that our two dogs were in the final years of their life.  We didn't know when it would happen, but it was clear that it was sooner in our life time than later. 

At that time while we were very sad to see our very long time family pets go, we (the adults) were ready for the break.  Ready to lift the guilt about not having "enough" time (compared to the attention our pups got pre-kids) to devote to our dogs.  Ready to have less depending on us.  Ready to not have to clean up the backyard.  Ready to not have to deal with surprises brought inside or the inevitable mess (grrrr) that was left behind.  I can't remember a time where I've not had a dog in my life.  I got Hobbes, my very own dog, as a pup when I was 21 and I'm now about to turn (uh um) 40.  Carie and I together got Carmen (known as Carie's dog) from a rescue home several years later.  I think I was ready for a short break.  Oddly Carie didn't grow up with dogs but she was also ready for a break.  After all, we had just made it through (sometimes literally) infancy and toddler hood of twins and a singleton.  Our lives had drastically changed and we were ready to step back a bit.

We lost our last dog, Carmen, just before Halloween last year.  In the first few months after her passing we had no desire to "replace" her.  Not only did we want that break from all of the above, but we wanted time to heal from the passing of both Hobbes and Carmen.  They were both very special pets to our kids!  We didn't want to "replace" her.  We wanted the kids to reflect on them and their lives with us.  Even recently the kids will talk about Hobbes and Carmen.  It's fun to hear them speak of them and their memories.  It's touching when we are asked to go outside to look up into the stars as the kids point out stars that belong to Hobbes & Carmen.  This is just how they've processed it all.  It's been a good and healing 11 months.

In the past several months the kids have started watching a show called Dogs 101 along with other animal shows. We have some serious animal lovers in our house so we weren't surprised.  They love watching and reading anything about cats as well but unfortunately this Momma is highly allergic to them.  My kids are sad that we can't have a cat as a pet!  They are looking forward to the time when they move out and can choose to have a cat at "their" place.  I'm doing my best to brainwash them to never having a cat simply so I can come visit them.  LOL

For now they've enjoyed learning about the different breeds of dogs.  Along the way, unannounced to us, they started creating a list of dogs that would be a great fit for our family and a list of dogs that wouldn't be a great fit for our family.  When we stumbled across this list we got a hearty chuckle.  It was too damn cute!  But I also knew it was a sign.  At some point I mentioned to Carie that I was semi-close to being open to the idea of getting a new dog for our family.  At that time she laughed at me and said that I couldn't be serious.  Seriously?  Training a new dog in our winter months?  I said I was semi-close to even talking about the future possibility of someday being dog owners again.  Key words... talking, future, possibility, someday... all talk not necessarily action.

Then more recently it came up again.  Yeah, I'm still in that place where I'm warming up to the idea.  I'm not opposed to it but I'm not quite yet sold.  AND my one stipulation is that we take our time and do some research to figure out what we really want.  In theory this new pet will be with us for a very long time and we need to find a good match.  At the same time we're not looking for a purebred or anything.  We would very much like to look at the Humane Society and rescue shelters.

I've pointed out that we also need to be realistic in the amount of care a new puppy/dog will require and I've pointed out again our schedule as I've outlined in a previous post.  We need to make sure that we can give this new pet our time!  I'm not saying that it isn't doable... I just want us to really think about this next phase of our lives.  And then of course to absolutely no surprise to Carie, she's going to be the one who bears the brunt of the "work" that comes with such a new addition.  Yes, the kids will be highly involved.  They are at a great age to take on some of those responsibilities.  But I'm not going to kid myself, it will ultimately fall back to Carie to make sure it's all getting done.

Which leads me to my huge surprise that SHE is the one who is obsessively researching dogs, taking quizzes to identify what type of dog would best suit our family, what types of things we should really consider, etc...  SHE is the one obsessed with researching rescue homes.  SHE is  the one glued to the Humane Society's website, pouring over each picture, each story.  Somehow Carie and I have swapped places in life... momentarily.

How long can I hold her off... that's the question!  How long will it be before the kids catch wind of this possibility?

Very First Camp Experience

Sunday morning when we arrived at our Church Camp there were greeters there, stopping the vehicles, welcoming their guests, handing out maps and event details, etc... This was a big day for the camp. It was their big BBQ where everyone was invited in the hopes that they would raise big money to support the camps future efforts.

At that particular time there were two greeters, an older man and woman.  The woman was talking to the car in front of us, a group that we were caravaning with. The man then approached our van to, more than likely, have the same conversation. In the van was Carie (front passenger), myself (driver), and all 3 kids in the back. Both Carie and I were greeted with a very warm welcome. Then his next question, without skipping a beat, was "Are you representing one family or two?"

Now, I know some may take offense to this. We did not.

I guess I look at it this way...
Should he have assumed we were one family unit?

Should he have assumed we were two families?
Should he have been able to tell just by looking at us?

It then became clear that he didn't realize we had 3 kids in the back. With the tinted windows, he hadn't noticed them.  It wasn't until he was confirming how many people were in the vehicle that we had 3 stowaways.  I wonder, would his question had been any different if he had noticed the kids?

Would he have asked the same question to a vehicle with a man and a woman in it?  I don't know.  Again, I don't know that it's safe to assume.  I guess it all boils down to what you are really trying to get out of the exercise. I think the sticking point may be that if he were to assume that a vehicle with a man and a woman in it were one family unit, why ask the vehicle with two women in it?  An excellent question!

I think for me, in this scenario, it all boils down to...

With his warm welcoming nature, the tone of the conversation, and particularly the way he asked the question, it felt quite appropriate.  More so, our answer of "one family" was very well received, expected almost. 

While our particular Church is very welcoming and very open to diversity, not all Churches in our denomination are going to be.  This camp is located out in BFE and this event was for all congregations in the "area"!  For us, it was a solid hour drive.  So imagine the number of congregations this Camp would support.  Even with our "Open Hearts, Open Minds, Open Doors" slogan we all know there's a difference between talking the talk and walking the walk.  Our Church totally walks the walk.

Even SO, I know that individuals within the Church can say some pretty off things.  Somehow we've run into this well meaning gentleman before.  More times than I care to remember, actually.  He sure meant well when we ran into him at a restaurant and he started talking about Abby's accident.  Yet when the words were coming out of his mouth I wanted to cover Abby's ears.  Heck, I wanted to cover my own ears!  And I'm sure he meant well at the BBQ when he approached us to tell us all about how so and so donated $X to pay for this beautiful gazebo that was nearby.  I had already wondered if there was a connection to our Church since we have the same exact gazebo on our property.  Coincidence, I think not.  I just didn't need to know the specifics that he provided.  I'm sure the wonderful person he was speaking of would appreciate that as well.

Bottom line, I think I was honored that the greeter asked.  I keep thinking back to that moment, to that conversation and all I can do is smile.  It's not like he was asking if our meal was all on the same check.

We were truly welcome at camp, as we are, as a family... in BFE Nebraska.  It felt like a safe place for us, for our kids!

Our kids are really going to enjoy this place!

Crossroads

I'm finding myself at a crossroads. The in-between phase when you've just completed a major task (2 actually, come to think of it) that consumed hours upon hours and that next major task (okay, a few of them) that's looming. A weird feeling!

Last night I had our 2nd PTA meeting of the academic year. That was the deadline that I had long procrastinated against and ultimately worked hard to meet. I also held a Room Parent meeting prior to the big meeting, also part of this larger goal/deadline. Both meetings were phenomenal in attendance, participation, support, etc... It was wonderful to distribute all of the materials I had prepared for the meeting and be done with it! We actually ran out of chairs for the PTA meeting, a FIRST in my history with the school. It's nice to see some efforts really paying off!!! It was also nice to use that as an example of WHY I'm asking parents to approach their tasks a particular way. This is gonna be a kick ass year, I just know it!

But that's all in addition to our family time. One thing I'm determined to do (last year and again this year) is to not allow my PTA responsibilities take away from our family time... as much as absolutely possible! I did miss going to the gym with the family last night, but mostly that was just me giving up my workout time. You can see how committed I am! Though I did miss shooting hoops with my boy!

Speaking of family stuff... we're just in the groove. The girls are enjoying their swim practice and looking forward to their first meet. We all enjoyed a full day at our Church Camp this past weekend for the girls' first "Tween Scene" (non)event. The girls were a little miffed about all of us (particularly their brother) being there. This is the first time they've really ever expressed such a concern, but they had every right to raise the question. Once we explained that the overall BBQ was a family event and WE wanted to come to the BBQ and it was just their luck to have such involved and overprotective parents they were all cool with it. For us, it was a family day, a family experience and if they were lucky we would let them come back without us in the (very distant) future.

As luck would have it, they (our leader) didn't really need all the help they had (due to weather and turnout) so we took off and spent 5 hours exploring the area as a family. We all enjoyed a bit of archery... I felt bad when Spencer (& I) overshot the target and the bales of hay, ultimately losing an arrow. The girls got to try their hand at tree climbing, and loved it. They also greatly enjoyed hanging out in the tree boats, particularly while playing with bunny rabbits. We spent forever hanging out with various live animals. Once we discovered that the corn maze would take a solid hour and a half to get through, and recalling the fact that our kids got lost in a much smaller maze just a couple weeks ago, we opted to hold that activity for some future visit. I also, somehow, managed to convince the kids to hold off on a trip out to the pumpkin fields. It was a muddy mess that I was just hoping to avoid. Thankfully they agreed! We had so much fun traipsing around the huge acreage. After 5 hours we still had to practically pull our kids away!

And it wouldn't be FALL without Husker football. We've certainly been enjoying the season thus far. We've enjoyed hosting game day and cheering on our Huskers. When the kids aren't actually watching football they are enjoying a stay at home day and playing with friends.

Ready. Set. GO!

This is the the week that starts the craziness.

For a family that likes to not be over-committed, in this moment it feels like we have sure committed ourselves to A LOT for the long haul.

Sure, we are always on the go. We like to get out and do things and explore things... on a whim! When the calendar starts filling up I start to get overwhelmed. There's a lot less "on a whim" time!

I know a lot of families with way busier schedules than ours. It's not really a competition. We've intentionally avoided signing ourselves, our children, up for that intense schedule. I know it will all work out. I'm actually looking forward to every single element. It's just... cumulatively it kinda freaks me out right now.

So what's going on?

Swim team started this week. The girls are way excited and so are we. But this is a huge commitment! They have very lengthy practices 3x a week. During their practice Carie and I are able to get a good workout in, a bonus. Spencer and I also get some great time to hang out and shoot hoops together, something we really enjoy. Oh and then there's the swim meets that are one weekend (Saturday?) a month. I'm hoping we'll get these details soon!

Spencer starts swim lessons this weekend. He's SO excited because he gets to go up a level. We could have (should have?) taken the easy route and signed him up for the same place A&E are in swim team. But the swim team program is different than the swim lesson program and we REALLY like the place we've been taking lessons for years. The kids love it there and we love it there. So, we went back even though it will make things a little more challenging for the next 8 weeks.

This past weekend we were invited to a BBQ by some friends. It turned into a reunion of sorts. There were quite a few (same sex) families that we used to hang out with more frequently. We hang out with a few of those couples semi-regularly. But someone decided we should ALL get together more often, like we used to. So it looks like monthly events are in our future... we're hosting the next one. This would be optional, but it would be quite a bit of fun and it would be good for all of us.

We also just discovered that our girls are old enough to participate in the "Tween Scene" at our Church. Boy did that surprise us! Us? We have kids old enough? Why yes, yes we do! This group meets once a month for "fun, fellowship and mission projects". The first event (at camp) looks like tons of fun and totally something our kids would enjoy... which we fear will open us up to more events at this camp! But this will be a great family day! So I've added this recurring monthly event to my calendar. Gotta love how easy that is!

It's also (past) time to re-new our family membership to the Rose Theater (performing arts for children and families). Thankfully I'll get it submitted in time that we won't miss the first performance! But it's a GREAT family activity that our kids really enjoy. We'll get to go to 7 performance this season which is nearly 1 performance a month. So I've carefully selected our show dates and times and I'll hope for the best! (If you're keeping track, that's now 3 different events that each take up just 1 weekend day a month... in addition to swim stuff)

Tonight we'll sign up Spencer for early-bird basketball, which also means there's a 2nd round of basketball after that. He's SO looking forward to playing. That schedule is totally unknown. All I know is that we've got another 6 weeks before it starts... I think. Hopefully he'll go right from swimming lessons into basketball. It can be that easy, right?

Oh, and yes I almost forgot. The girls, Abby in particular, really want to join Girl Scouts. I've finally caved and sent an e-mail to the leader today to find out more details. I don't know how in the world we would do this, but I'm looking into it as promised.

Let's not forget that I continue to be the PTA President and I've got quite a few huge events planned for the academic year. It's really a rewarding position in that I get to plan and do things for our school. But it's a heck of a lot of work and far too many parents have no idea what we do for our students. I'm already feeling knee deep (heck, chest deep!) in this area and we're just getting started! There's just so many amazing ideas up in the air and so many things on my plate all at once. Once a few of those things get resolved I'll be good. I just need to make it through November! Thankfully I've got an amazing team of parents that will help pull it off. More events added to the calendar!

Oh and yes, Carie started a PT gig with our school district this academic year so our home schedule has shifted. It's all good, really really good! (Side note, unfortunately no- she's not making anymore $$ than she was before.) She has signed up for some classes through work. They are all really cool classes, they are all free to us, and they all provide credit towards what she does. She's really excited, as am I. Just one more thing added to the calendar.

But this weekend... THIS WEEKEND... we are taking a family trip to our favorite apple orchard. It better not rain! Oh and we'll also be watching college football, of course! And doing swim lessons, swim team & Church.